The beginning of my life

I can only speak of the beginning of my life, because before I arrived on earth I don't know where I was. Let's start with Dec. 14, 1962 at 12 o'clock am. In a hospital on Fairchild Air Force base. A baby boy was born to his parents we'll leave their names out. This baby was born early. Someone wanted him here earlier. The father was in the Army this is why the child was born on an Air Force base. Yes, I was a military brat. It wasn't just me though, I had four other siblings. There were two girls and two boys. All four were older of course. Three of them were born in New Jersey. Being in the military, you know one must move around quite often. After three years my parents had another child. Then a year later my baby sister was born. There were seven of us altogether. We lived in Spokane Washington until 1966. We left there after I set the house on fire. We moved back where my parents were born,which was St.Louis, Mo. Being born in a military family caused a person to be different. We didn't fit in at all. Our peers in school hated us. We didn't speak as they spoke. We didn't act as they acted. We were just strange. This was hard, because everyone wants to fit in somewhere. So we had to endure the ridicule, and the rejection. I just accepted the fact that I was different. And so I ran with it. It did something to my psyche though. I was angry, because I didn't fit in. And I resented the fact that I was different. Over the years as I became an adult, there was always something odd about me. So as I'd always do, I'd stay to myself. Because I figured, like this; they don't like me, so I won't bother them. I was never vengeful or hurtful, only to myself. My anger turned inward. Which turned into bitterness. I was an angry, bitter person. With all of this going on, at the age of 14; I received the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I thought He would take away the anger and the bitterness. He didn't though, He had other plans. I knew deep down in my heart, that I had to experience something that would radically change my life. I joined the Marines after high school. I served for four years and 9 months. All this time there was something impressing upon my spirit, that there was something I must go through. I won't go into much detail though. There is something God has for all of us to do. He has a different plan for each of us. Back to my story, I received a medical discharge from the service. I then went to a Bible college in Ohio. We'll leave out the name for viable reasons. I was the only African American there. They weren't disrespectful, but you could feel the prejudice there. I spent maybe about 2 years total there. All this time I'm appearing, to have it altogether. But on the inside, I was like brittle. It was as if I were an empty shell. Please remember, I'm still a child of God. Just not fully matured in character. I was angry and bitter for 13 years. In those years I didn't sleep well, relax well and I was a very serious person, who always walked with my head hanging down. Can you imagine, a person walking around for 13 years with their head hanging down? Yes, that was extremely painful. I had headaches for all of those years. I was oppressed by the devil. He had a hold on my life, because God allowed him. But God, didn't want me destroyed. He had other plans for me. Listen readers, being saved is not the same as being religious. One is you doing your best, the other is God's gift of love to you. And even after you become a child of God, new life is just beginning. You have to deal with anger issues, as I did. Forgiveness is a must. You must understand that the relationship with God will conflict with the ideas of a corrupt society because of sin. People will not appreciate you, because you will show light into their darkness. And men love darkness more than light because of their evil deeds. I had to confront myself in a place where God released me from the oppression and He took away the anger and bitterness. How He, settles my soul and restless mind, takes me back to when I was 14. When I had to experience something that would radically change my life. God allowed system to have me for about 5 years. It was through this, that I couldn't run away from myself. Today, I can say I still have my particular thorn in the flesh, but I hold my head up now. And I'm honored that the Lord chose me to create this website. All to and for His glory. He Who is from eternity to eternity forevermore Amen. This was a portion of my life, without to many details. It hopefully will help someone to make it. Please enjoy this website.



The consistency of my life

My life on earth has been one of much learning thus far. My greatest accomplishment has been learning how to work with others. There are so many lessons in life for us to learn. The main and most important lessons pertain to first God and then our relationship with our fellowman. I've learned, it's not my place to manipulate man, to my ideas and thoughts. God deals with the hearts of men. It was very difficult for me to learn this lesson. Why you ask because, none of us want to be beat up. None of us desire to be humiliated. I was both of these. My christian life is not about me. Nor is it about my trying to impress my fellow man. I'm here as an example of Christ. I'm an ambassador, from heaven. As Christ lives in me, mankind should see that He does live in me. In how I work, how I communicate. How I spend my money. How or if I pay my bills on time. I've come to realize, that God wants to be God of my entire life. He gave his life. So I could give mine to him. He wants my apartment clean and neat. He's concerned with, what I wear and my appearance to others. I must be peculiar. I must be wierd. Yes I must be different and strange. This is the only way others will be able to see God. If I look like everyone else, how can anyone be helped. I must be consistent, in my living. No Perfection as far as not sinning anymore, is not my goal. No human being with a physical body is ever going to be sinless. Our thinking and attitude concerning life and our conduct must be different from the norm. I need every day consistency in my life.



The vunerable areas of my life

As I live from day to day, I realize I'm no where near as together as I'd like to be. I suppose this is why God has allotted me another day on planet earth. I'm constantly learning very valuable lessons. Lessons such as friendships, trust, forgiveness, love and compassion. All of these are a must, I will exist in a world where it's all about, I, me and mine. I'll start off with friendships; I never really had any. The reason is, I was betrayed so many times. Hated for being, and acting different. I can't say I fully understand why difference frighten people so much. I guess, it's a fact; where there's difference, there must be change. And, us being creatures of habit, we despise change. Familiar things is what comforts us. Whether good or bad, we love anything that comforts us even if it kills us. We'd rather die than change. I Can honestly say today, I'd rather be by myself than to be surrounded by a bunch of false pretentious people claiming to be my friend. I know the Bible say's He who has friends, must show himself friendly. I have no problem being friendly, but it's definitely not because I desire a friend. I enjoy being by myself. My life has been one, where I was always isolated from people. Then it was because others didn't want to be bothered with me. Now it's because I choose not to be bothered by them. I'm still a human being. So I still have my issues, as well as others. Okay trust, I have to admit; the only one I trust, is GOD. No human being at all. This is not healthy, emotionally or even mentally. But so far, I'm fine. Forgiveness is a hard one for anyone to do. Mostly because when a person forgives another, the person believes, they are letting the perpetrator off the hook. Not so, forgiveness is for the victim. Freedom from the perpetrator is only in forgiveness. It doesn't matter what act committed against us. There's so many different violations committed against persons. Physical, sexual, emotional and psycological, these different parts of the human psyche can only be relieved by forgiveness. Love, this is another hard one; Love is God. If love is God, the reason we don't see him is because we are in the way. Yes as victims we can't love right. We'd get ourselves involved in relationships, that remind us of someone in our past who we'd refuse to forgive. We find ourselves being victimized over and over again. Because, we are so familiar with this treatment, it's comfortable to us. This is what's known as a dysfuntional relationship. So many of us have them. This is my bio. So I'll do my best to focus on myself. I don't have much of a problem with forgiveness, as I once did. Because I now understand forgiveness is for my healing and my health and well being. This allows me an opportunity, for a real relationship with any of my fellow human beings. If this is my choice. Compassion, can only come once we realize, others have hurts and pains as we do. No one on planet earth has it all figured out. When I was a dishwasher, I was angry. My reason for being angry, was because of the mistreatment I experienced as a dishwasher. Now I'm a cook, I understand if there's a dishwasher who's angry. Because I've been there, and done that. This dishwaher believes he's being taking advantage of. In which he could be absolutely correct in his thinking. My compassion goes out to him because I've been there. So many times we don't show compassion because we have failed to learn the lessons of forgiveness and love and friendliness. I hope my bio helps someone. To the readers, Much love and Peace as you allow God to forgive you, so you can properly forgive others.



What I've learned in my 44 years on planet earth

I understand, I live in a world where the system for the most part controls us human beings. Now we must remember. There's two operating entities in this world. II Cor. 3:3,4; It let's us know that Lucifer is the god of this world(system. We already know, God owns the universe. The political system, is operated by the devil. The financial system, is owned by the devil. The religious system is owned by the devil. And the immoral system is and was concoted by the devil. Yes, I've come to realize, God made us upright; but we choose the opposite direction against God. This is why we are in the mess we are in. As it is apparent, I'm an african american male. I'm neither ashamed or embarassed with this fact. God made me. The system didn't make me, thank God. This system is in place to keep chaos alive. It's here to keep the oppressed, pressed down. It's here primarily to control the masses with and by fear. God made us all, with only one similarity; and that is we are all made in His image. That's it. We're all different with only that exception. The system say's let's keep the rich rich, and the poor man in his poverty. Let's prevent the poor from being able to afford an adequate education. If we allow them in here, they will take our jobs, from us. We in the not so distant past were made aware of the scandelous actions of some very prominent people in our world. These persons were and are stone cold crooks. I say this because, I'm not afraid of a system that hates God. One day this world system will be cast into hell, and all of those who love it also. I noticed in this world, a certain race of people are focused for annihilation. Prison are being built according to the education of the children in elementary school. How sad. I've been made aware of how we are treated all over this world. If you are a black male in this world it's as difficult as hell, to keep from becoming offended by how we are percieved and treated in this world. Again, I say it's the system. The devil is the author of confusion. Peace is an empty concept to him. He loves strife, contention, hate, racism, prejudice ideas, murder, lasciviousness. Basically he loves any thing against God. So, I've learned some very practical facts. Self preservation, is from the sytem. Every man for himself, selfishness. The terms, I'm sorry you are on your own. This is the system of this world's way of thinking. I'm here to accomplish the purpose of God. And I must say; no political system, economic system, judicial system, or religious sytem is going to hinder me from performing to my fullest potential for God. I understand this system hates it when it's confronted like this. I, don't particularly care. I hate this world's system, always have and I always will. God will overturn this system. I can say emphatically, hate will not win, rasicm is not forever, lies and deceptions, rich crooks or poor crooks will not be forever. This is still God's world. But He has no part at all of this system. This is some of what I've learned in my time on planet earth.



Glass Houses

Each and every one of us on planet earth resides in a glass house. It doesn't matter whether rich or poor, we all do. And since I live in a glass house it's imperative for me not to throw stones. The Bible refers to this as; "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone". It's amazing to me how once we've been exposed to others how we really are, how defensive we become. I'm positively sure this website will offend many persons, because it's the truth. Oh, how we hate the truth when we are at the center of the focus. I never have claimed or neither will I ever claim to be without sin. Only by the grace of God, and my choices can I say; I managed to avoid the familiar pitfalls and test of the adversary. There will be thoughs as this website reaches it's targeted audience, who will make attemps at discrediting my reputation and my character. All is to be expected since we don't want any of our own dirty laundry exposed. We as human beings, are the best of all of God's creation. At times we act worse than the rest of His creation. We disobey Him ever chance we get. We are pretentious. When He has taken us out of our very dsyfunctional lives, changed our hearts, we become arrogant and unsympathetic to those who are where we were. How sad. I understand, I can only truly judge myself, and only God can judge me. No great television preacher can judge me. No judicial system with it's own corruption can judge me. Only God can judge me. His judgement is unprejudiced. He doesn't judge me for being black, or poor, or neither does he judge my weaknesses in my flesh. So I see it very unneccessary to fear man, who uses fear to control the masses. Just because I don't know your sins, doesn't mean you don't have any. I wouldn't want to know them anyway. I can't save you, I can't even save myself. I don't mean salvation from hell. I mean saving from sinning. If only we could face the fact, that God said "all have sinned, and falling short to the glory of God". And always keep in mind my dear readers, and remember; He who lives in a glass house really shouldn't throw stones.



Malajusted Development

As I see myself, I'm a quirky sort of guy. Since my teenage years were peculiar, I've come to realize I'm not neither an ordinary or regular adult male. My teen years were lived in this world of efforts of being as spiritual as I could. While trying to avoid acting and behaving as a teenager. This really did a number on my psyche. Today, at my age I'm unaware exactly where I am in my development. The society would say; I'm crazy. Or I'm twisted in my thinking. There's many people, who had to hasten their life development. Most had to act as adults while living as teens. This could anger one, as they become grown in age, but immature in mentality. I find it very difficult to interact with the society in which I live. Because, to me it appears everyone knows this information. This could appear as antisocial behavior. Although it's not, it's just an individual who at the time of my adolesent years failed to act my age. Life has a process. Nothing can or will change that. I'm always analyzing myself. If I had to grade myself, I'd most likely give myself a failing grade. Because I chose to give up my adolesence for my future enhancement. Yes, I've been a child of God for nearly 30 Years. And, it appears to me that I have nothing to show for it. Sure, I have this knowledge to share with the world. But as far as being face to face with my readers; I don't think I could do that. I sometimes feel, I get an alergic reaction to people. Because of God, I love people. Otherwise I could care less about my fellow human beings. We can be so mean to one another. My sister, questioned me concerning my relationships. I emphatically said;"no I don't have any friends, nor do I want anyone that close to me". She said;"something is seriously wrong with me, everyone needs friends". This type of conversation is very difficult for me. Because people have not been so friendly torwards me. I suppose I'm as much to blame, as others. The Bible say's "he who has friends must show himself friendly". I understand this very well. I'll show myself friendly, but that doesn't mean I want you to be my friend. I'm just making efforts to be polite. I suppose this is ones attitude, is experiencing malajusted development. God help me.



The Vessel

Every human on planet earth is a vessel. Something flows out of us. It's unfortunate that for most of us we are vessels used for destruction. Primarily the destruction of ourselves. Yes, we cause our own castrophes. We allow ourselves to live on plains with the hogs. We eat the slop of this world's system. We have no desire to find or even live out our potential. Most of us, just want the good life. The nice home, the attractive spouse, the beautiful children and the good six figured job. We desire the acceptance of everyone. We never hurt others feelings, our reputations are just explicable. Man, what a life! Of course, this life could only be found in the cinemas on the big screen. The reality is, we will all have to suffer something. No exception to this rule. I've come to realize, my potential lies in me. In my choices, in my attitude to life, in my thoughts regarding my fellowman. Most of all my thoughts in regard to the person who has giving me this wonderful once in a life chance of showing others who He is. In my short time on planet earth, I've come to realize; this God of the universe desires to live in me, work with me and to show through me. His desire is for me to be his vessel, His vehicle in this world. He doesn't have any feet but mine, He doesn't have any eyes, but mine. He can't be seen with the natural mind. So he chooses us as his vessels. We human beings focus to much of our attention on the outside of the vessel. Wrong, the inside is where the life is. Or for most persons where death is. Most of us live in vessels filled with all sorts of destructive attitudes. This is why our physical bodies are racked with so much pain. This still a part of me. So, please stay with me. God's desire for me; is for this world to see Him in every aspect of my life. His glory in me shown to this world. It's unfortunate though, I can't say with one hundred percent honesty, I'd prefer Him in every intimate part of my life. I'm still a human with sin as a part of my personality. Sometimes I still desire to do things wrong. God doesn't want this for me. I'm thankful though; there's a serious difference now though. I don't sin, because I have to. Now when I do anything wrong it's done deliberately. No one to blame but myself. This website is not one in which I am presuming myself better or higher than anyone else. I'm a human being with the capacity to still sin. Yes' I still have the capability and the desire at times to sin. No one is perfect who lives on planet earth. As full as is possible, by God; As much as He could use me; It's my choice to allow Him access even into the areas of my life that are embarrassing. He knows it all any way. I just want to be appropriately the vessels.



Words are Powerful

Most of us are familiar with the saying,"sticks and stones may break my bones and words cannot hurt me". I say,"please hit me with the sticks and stones, but keep your words to yourself". Words can heal or they can kill. Words can build up or they can tear down. Words can bring life, or they can cause death. It's recent for me to actually realize the power of words. The Bible say's God formed the world with His words. He made us as himself. We have the same power with our words. Most of us are so negative, our speech destructive. We wonder why we are in such dire straights. Our words produced our circumstances. Bad words vulgarity and profane langauge causes us as people so many hardships. We must take responsibility for our vocabulary. The Bible say's out of the abundance of the heart, the tongue speaks. We can never take back anything we say. Most of us, apologize for what we speak. That's not enough. What we say, will come back to us. The Bible also say's "the power of life and death is in the tongue". So many of us are deceived. I'm still learning to watch what I say. I share with the visitors of this site, my own experiences to help those who want the help. I will by God's grace accomplish the work He wants me to do. This is God's life. I have the privilege of being an instrument in my master's hand. My goal and desire for my readers is this; "watch your words, because words are powerful.



The god of this system

I've come to realize, the god of this system works through human beings as the God of all works through people. The difference is one is for detriment, the other for destruction. Because the god of this world system operates on a political level, an economic level and a social level. The playing field is lopsided. Even though the devil hates us all; we allow him to stress particular members of our societies. The Bible is not used for protection against an unjust system. It's purpose is for us to realize, mankind as made in the image of God. And for him to be held accountable. When blacks are targeted for total annihilation; something needs to be done. The black race of people in America, have been so beat down, we hate ourselves and anyone who appear as we are. We can't come together, because we don't trust anyone. We spend our monies outside of our own communities. I, recently visited St. Louis, Mo. I noticed the inner city appeared as a ghost town. We blacks don't understand the power we possess. We don't own anything, we could use to help other blacks. Most of our preachers only line their own pockets we the funds. God help us. We were without material things for most of our lives, so we are this countries greatest consumers. We buy more than any other race in this country. How sad. Soon after the purchase, it's value depreciates. I thank God though, He put me here for a purpose. By His grace and spirit, I will be different to be used by Him to make a difference. I don't fear the god of this system.



It's not about my comfort or ease

This life is not about my efforts or attempts to impress others. Rather it's for me to allow God to be seen in me. This can't possible happen, if my goal is for others to view me as someone more than I am. I mean if you see me, I hope you see God first. He gave me an opportunity for almost forty four years to experience life in this physical body, but to enjoy it in my spirit. It's not about me having wealth untold, the most attractive wife, or the most adorable and smartest children. It's not even about me having that six figure job. This is all a fringes benefits. I can't enjoy any of this without the Holy Spirit of God in my life. It's so sad, that most of us live with this idea. We want God's salvation, and we also want to be liked by the system. My friend it just can't be. If you love God, serve Him. If you love the system , and it's crazy chaotic way of operating then serve it. You can't serve both. There's nothing wrong with living comfortably, nor is there anything wrong with an attractive spouse; nor is there anything wrong with adorable children. But this can't be our goal. Most of us human beings, would consider ourselves law abiding citizens. Right, okay if we are so concerned about not breaking man's laws; why then do we dis regard God's laws? Man's laws came out of God's laws. The answer is this; we are more afraid of the face of man, than we are to have the awe and fear of God. We love and cherish our reputation more than we are willing to follow God. We don't want to be ostracized by this corrupt system. The corruption is so deep in this world. Where there are though who have to leave their homeland because they can't earn enough to live. Then there are those who's family members were murdered and they were incarcerated in concentration camps. So many crisis in our world. We have more churches in this country than we have schools. There's a rise in mega churches, and also a rise in crime. What's up? Why isn't our world changing? I don't need a leer jet. I don't need to impress others. I don't even need a wife or children, if this is going to distract me from doing the will of God. Regardless to what the great preachers preach, it's not about my comfort or ease.



My experiences as a black man in America

Our experiences in life, will determine I perception of life. I had many questions regarding the treatment of blacks in this country. The main one being this: Why are we hated so much? What did we do that was much worse than any other race of people? Are we the main criminals in this country? As in the past when so many of our black females were raped, our daughters abused and our brothers and fathers murdered; we assume, our black men were guilty of these crimes. Not so, it was the Caucasions who perpetrated these horrific crimes. Even though we don't want to speak of these events, doesn't imply they didn't happen. Somewhere back in history, a sinister attack took place within the psyche of the European motivated by Satan to condemn the black race of human beings. Yes, from country to country, a black person is perceived as an alien to this world. Who's only fate should be incarceration or even death. This hatred is born from this system. This world system is owned and operated by the prince of hell. Yes, these ideas are born from the devil. We as human beings have allowed Satan to control our attitudes toward our fellowman. My experiences have led me through some very testing times. I remember my years growing up. When I was younger, I always thought the white race was better. Because they were the only ones on television. I thought something was wrong with me because, I didn't have an identity of who I was. Nor did I have an identity as to what I was suppose to do. My desire was not to be white, but it soon became apparent, that if I didn't assimilate, I'd be left without. I figured this; why would one race of people capture and deceive another race of people? Take them from there own tongue, there own identity and people of national origin. Use them to build a country, and then not pay them for their contribution. This is barbaric. These people, then want this race of people to conform to their traditions and their lifestyles. Not explaining to these foreign person, they were going to a land, already occupied by natives; who were themselves deceived and brutalized by this same race of people. These immigrants from Europe, brought with them later we understand; slaves to build this country we now know as the United States. I feel very unfortunate in this country, where I can't walk down the street without being stared at, as if I did something wrong. I remember when I was in Ohio, I was walking from work; a car with some white guys in it; one of them threw an egg at me. It hit me. Then they hollered out a racial slur at me. This happened in Washington state as well. Only, it happened twice here. They hollered out racial slurs again. I didn't understand, why one human being would throw an egg at another. Only this; they made the choice to allow the devil to use them at that time. Hate is from the devil. Racism is from the devil. Prejudice is from the devil. Anyone who possess these attitudes, they are influenced by this world's system. No human being is better than another. No, human is worse than any other. It's all a spiritual head trip. It has been very effective though. I have to admit today, I'm not intimidate by any race of persons on this whole planet earth. My reputation,(what others think about me) I really could care less. God has me here on this earth. For such a time as this, I must accomplish God's will. Character is of utmost importance to me. God sees my heart, while man sees my skin complexion. I just thought I'd share some of my experiences as a black man in America.



The thoughts behind this website

First of all, God gave me the idea. He wanted me to share with the world, thoughts and ideas about Him, life and Satan. And how we allow ourselves to be influenced to much by the devil and his Fendish tactics. We understand, our battle is not with flesh and blood. But, just as God uses his children, the devil uses his children. I'm not rich nor am I speaking for anyone else. I can only speak of myself and my experiences. My goal is this; to accomplish God's will for this site. To reach as many readers as possible. An for thoughts and lives to be changed in the process. Yes, I want to make a difference. In a world where difference is condemned. Most of us seem to enjoy copying someone else's ideas or their behaviors. It's easier because there's already a foundation established. No pain because the originator experienced it before them. This world needs to here an know the truth about this country known as the United States. It's didn't start out right, and neither will it end right. By God's grace I want to make a difference, before I die. I will to accomplish all I was designed to perform. Overcoming any obstacle necessary, thrown in my way. God loves us all. And He wants to help us all. He doesn't care about our feelings. He wants to save our poor miserable wretched souls. Let God save you today. Take care, more to come stay tune.



Rejection

For most of my life I have been rejected. Why, you asked? Because God makes us a certain way. Each of us are different. What we try to do is fit in situations and with certain people. It seem to be the popular crowd, who receives all of the attention. The odd ones are usually left out. Because someone who acts different from the rest is ostracized, this person most of the time, sell out themselves for a lower form of living. Anyone who doesn't fit in a group, click or club their rejected. The system has in place a set of groups and clubs and organizations. Yes, the gangs are nothing more than a band of rejects who hate themselves are angry with the world and most of all who hate themselves. I noticed the bar scene, some people only live their lives around this type of environment. They can't seem to exist unless they are surrounded by persons who are miserable or more miserable than themselves. There's the good old boys, this group of Caucasions only allow those of the same ethnic group. There's the K.K.K, this group of hatemonger are rejects from the time of Hitler. At one time there was the Black Panthers. Listen, all of these groups, were rejected folks who hated and attempted to fight a faulty system. Rejection does not feel good. But I'm going to keep it real, it's a fact of life. I understand, God made me for a purpose. Not to conform to this system. But to be a transformer of it. This idea can only be done as I focus my attention, and my mind on the things of God. As I allow God to work in me; He will change me and all that I come into contact with. This is why rejection is necessary. No change is needed if everyone's the same. I've never been one who visits the bars. Because, there's certain reasons people do so. I'll name some; There's the person who enjoys drinking to drown out their miserable existence. Then there's the relationship drinker, who's seeking their next sexual adventure. There's the social drinker; I need to fit in even though I really don't enjoy drinking. All of these ideas and thought patterns are dysfunctional. There's even clicks and clubs at church. If you don't believe the way we believe, bye. I went to this Bible college, in 1986. This college was considered one of the best by some churches I attended when I was in the Marines. This colleges goal was to indoctrinate it's students with the ideas of the Bible in a way to which it could reach and create more Baptist people. Listen, my dear readers; God, did not put us here for a denomination. These are groups in the religious arena; The Baptist, the Pentecostal, the Catholics the Muslims etc etc so forth and so on. All are groups who felt rejected, so they said let us either start our own or cling to a particular piece of doctrine. This way we could stand out. Listen, I refuse to be brainwashed by any teaching method which at it's core is only to allow me to fit in. I'll fit in where God wants me and that's enough for me. So I guess I'll continue then to live my life under the guise of rejection.



Invisible

Have you ever been made to feel as though you were not there? I have on many occassions. When I visit threaters, or any type events when standing in line is a must; I notice some people would actually attempt to jump in front of me in line. Wow, what's up with that? I just say to myself, how unfortunate; my fellowman could be so disrespectful. Then I conclude, it's our system. It's our choices. It's our societies and our thinking toward one another as people. I figured this; So they don't have to say anything to offend me, their response to me is let's just ignore him he'll go away. Listen, I'm not going anywhere until God say's for me to leave. There was a recent incident as I was making efforts to board a public transportation; This lady, just walked up and stepped in front of me. How rude! I said"I was also going to board this bus." Then I place myself back in front of her. The unfortunate thing about this situation, was this; the lady was Caucasion. So I'm only assuming, she thought I was going to allow her to pretend she didn't see me. Wrong thought. I don't and won't allow anyone on planet earth to treat me less than I know I am. I will jump you back. So please, if I ever meet you are occupy a space with you; don't treat me as though I'm invisible.



My Adolesennce days

This is a picture of my high school. I began high school in the year of 1977. It was several days before high school, when I became a child of God. It wasn't my intention to become a christian. It happened at God's timing for me. My thoughts were this: I was going to live as bad as I could or as good as I could depending on who's child I was. I went through my years of high school , from day one; with my Bible until I graduated in 1981. I didn't get into any of the negative activities, because God made me aware to the fact that my life is only beginning. So He impressed upon me, the importance of my testimony. If I was going to represent Him, I can't live and act as everyone else. I'm so glad I didn't. I'd read my Bible, to get all the information I'd need to make it through this life. I thank God, that He protected me from the hard life, so many people choose. Yes, I said choose. Many people believe, a powerful testimony is one in which the individual chose to get so close to hell, they smell like smoke. These person, have been through almost every dramatic event on earth. Listen, God can save the worst of us. And even those of us who think we're the best. No one's to bad to be saved. Neither is anyone to good to be saved. Most times the testimonies which receives the greatest accolades are the ones where the person allowed themselves to see the devil face to face. This is a testimony, but one where most people come from. There are those who were protected by God, not to experience the closeness of the devil and hells fire. These person are far and few in between. I've seen things that were done. I've heard certain ideas of thought. I purposed in my heart, that I'm here for a purpose. Not to see how much dirt I could do. Even though my heart was as desperately wicked as any other man's. I just decided, I didn't want to ruin my life, so I could have a powerful testimony. We need to share testimonies with our young people, assuring them, that they don't have to experience hells fire. They don't have to see how low in the pit they could arrive. They could choose to be different. Not to follow the crowd. Most people are going to hell. Yes, I said most people are going to hell. I enjoyed my high school experience, and my adolescence days.



The real christian life is hard

I've come to realize, this same Jesus who died on the cross, was buried and rose again on the third day; Was despised and rejected. He was a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief. And we hid our face from Him. Isa. 53:3-6 He told us we'd suffer as He did if we follow Him. Listen, I have to say this; Jesus was rejected. Have you ever been turned away because of your spirit. Any person on planet earth, who is indeed a child of God; has the Holy Spirit of God in them. They are hated, because of this person. We need not take any rejections personally. As we live to glorify God, light is shone into the darkness. And as the Bible say's men love darkness better than light because their deeds are evil. The treatment of God's children, in a system that's in total contradiction to God's method and ideas will not take kindly to any interference from a child of God. I, in myself Could care less for my fellowman. I'm still a human and I have feelings. I thank God, He loves through me. When I'm rejected, I avoid the person. When I perceive, myself annoying someone, I'll leave them alone. There's the broad way and the narrow way. One leads to life. The other to destruction. One the broad way is very easy. Not many bumps or obstacles. The narrow way, some bumps, valleys and tightness. Many aren't on the narrow road, because they have to much baggage. Religion hated The Lord Jesus Christ. The "morally good" hated Jesus. I mean those who never hurt anyone. Those who never violated man's law. They were never incarcerated. Their reputations are in tact. This life has been giving to us by God. Salvation is free. But life after this cost everything we have. Many can't get over themselves, this is due to sin and the system. Because this life can only be lived by God; this is why the real christian life is hard.



The Box Is To Small

It's something how we humans, enjoy containing things. We take pleasure in caging animals in a zoo, we think it's okay to illegally cage certain citizens in our communities. We just seem to derive pleasure from caged up stuff. There's something seriously wrong with us. We cage up what we want. And we allow the worst of things to go free. I'm referring to our own selfish and destructive habits and desires. No restraints, I can do what I want when I want. As one of the actors said in his movie "I am the law". So one would assume, those who make the law, can break it just as easily. Who are they accountable to? The worst of the worst, is when we in our futile efforts attempt to control God. We do so by our denominations, by our motto's on our currency. We do so by our religious-ity Everyone of us, want to fit in somewhere. So there are certain boxes, we want to be placed in. Most of us are controlled by our own lust. We are in a box to fit in with the crowds. We would be considered conformist. We just go anyway the wind blows. How sad, our potential is much higher than this. But I must admit, we are just plain old lazy. And we are complacent. We in our efforts of trying to manipulate our fellow human beings with all sorts of threats. To get ourselves in a mindset of fear and intimidation. The threats could be legal, political, emotional or spiritual or mental. We believe this type of control keeps one in his or her particular box. I've been made by God for a purpose. No man, no judicial system, no man religious ideas, no politician or lobbyist, democrat or republican is going to hinder me, intimidate me are stop me from reaching my fullest potential. I must be honest when I say, "The Box Is To Small".



Rejection is a hard pill to swallow

Since as early as I could remember, I've been treated oddly by my fellowman. It started in my family, my brothers thought I was peculiar. They treated me accordingly. My sisters, thought I was a bit strange also. I mostly stayed to myself. Because I didn't really care much about be around people. It was as though I knew them. I could see the false face and the pretentious attitudes. Our world, this system is always attempting to cause either contempt or discomfort. It does so by operating on the very premise of how God made us. We are social beings, who need the acceptance of our fellow human beings. We need this for our very sanity. We act out anyway. We must, to be accepted in various groups or clubs or organizations. Most of this is due to the fact that we need to fit in somewhere. We refuse to be involved with anyone who will attract attention to us. Light will always dispel darkness. Difference in ones life will cause one to be rejected. Why rejection you ask? Rejection is as punishment, for not conforming or conducting one's self as the so-called norm. Or what is an attitude or action which seems to be acceptable by the majority of people. We live in a world where most people pop pills. Pills for this and pills for that. We are a medicated society. We can't sleep. We are bothered by depression. All sorts of elements and infirmities in the body. Mentally and emotionally totally unstable,spiritually dead. It's sad though, when we view someone from the physical standpoint, they appear so lovely and angel like. Their inward person is completely filled with hell. Their spirit being dead,their heart is darkened. Very concerned about their reputation, because for the most part,it's all they have. I don't pop any pills, neither do I medicate myself. The fact still remains though, rejection is a hard pill to swallow.



My fullest Potential

Every day God allows me to live on planet earth; I will be determined to do my very best.I,ve learned early, work is vital! Ethics is priceless! At the age of 13, I needed money, I wandered through my neighborhood to find some work. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Ethics can't be taught in school. You learn in the field. Also known as OJT! With this idea in mind,I understand this life is just a stage for the real life which is to come. God is the manager of my life. He gives me the opportunity to make choices, that would help me deal better with my fellow human beings. He has created all of us with potential. It's sad though how many of us only settle for the crumbs of this worldly system. I have everything I need, to accomplish the purpose in which God made me. And believe you me, I will. No rejection will hinder me. Who like me or who dislike me. No human, no system, no circumstance nor any relationship. I by God's grace will accomplish my duties while here on planet earth. There's no fear of failure, no fear of any threats of punishment, or any fear of a bad reputation. Nothing man can or can't do will delay or hinder my full potential being manifested. The #1 goal for me is; how many people will I allow God to use me to reach. How many people will I be able to help, for JESUS'S sake. It's not about riches, fame, material wealth or popularity. It's all about God. He made me for His purpose. That's the best information of all. He's trusting me to reach my fullest potential.



The local Church is a spiritual hospital

I have to admit, it's been a long time since I've been to a local church. My reason is this, when I attend; the members of such and such local church gives off such a negative spirit I can't concentrate on the message. I mean the spirit in most of the churches I visited was not the spirit of God. I know for a fact, that most people don't go to church because the people there treat them so disrespectfully rude. I mean some of these sour bitter people want to contaminate anyone who visits their particular local church. And also most of these churches goals are to make every visitor or member their own personal clone. Meaning they want them to act as they act. They want them to speak as they speak. None of this has anything to do with the will of God, or the purpose of God. It's man's method of making men to follow them for them. How sad, if a medical hospital would turn away sick folk, many people would die. So much the more, how about the spiritual sick, the blind and the lost. How are they suppose to be saved if we who claim to know God refuse to show them love and compassion. I think we are selfish and mean, because we don't feel they deserve to be saved and forgiven because of all the wicked deeds they've done. We forget one thing though, remember yourself, how good and nice were you before you received the message of the gospel. You weren't so nice and such a pure angel yourself. To many times, we forget where the Lord has brought us from. Or we assume, only we deserved to be saved. No, God is no respect of persons. We must stop this absurd thinking in regards to those who visit or even join our particular local church. No one joins it for a person. Only because the Bible say's we must attend. Let's stop allowing the beat down, the drug user, the prostitute, the felon and all the blind from dying and going to a devils hell. Let us stop being so selfish and not sharing the good news. And remember; someone shared it with you. You're still sick, and need much help regardless to how long you've been in your local church. You still have not arrived. Let's stop refusing the sick and sad and blind from coming to our hospital. Only God can heal them. Don't hinder God from helping others. Actually, the church is still a spiritual hospital.



Being different to make a difference

As I live and breathe, my hearts desire is to not leave earth without making a difference somewhere. It doesn't matter how big or small. All that matters is that I want my life to count for the Kingdom of God. This world we live in is in such disarray. We live and exist only for ourselves and our desires. It's my goal to be different, to act different and to live different, because difference demands attention. Hatred and rejection is shown toward me, because of the decision I've made to be different. I understand the task is great. There's so much work that needs to be done. When the society sanctions, living together without marriage; I can't agree with that. When the system say's it's okay to drink, I can't agree with that. When they say everyone else is having sex before marriage; I have to say no way. I never want to hide my thoughts, if they could benefit someone else. I want to live for those who haven't lived yet. Politics, economic wealth, social standing and religious affiliations none of this moves me. I have not been placed on planet earth for any particular group or club. I'm to be used by God anywhere He wants to use me. I hate being rejected. But if God's glory can be seen more in me being rejected, so be it. No man, no local church, or any political or judicial system or any other thing, is going to hinder me from doing the will of God. I know these are some bold statements. No disrespect to anyone, but the will of God is more important to me, than any man's philosophy. If everything and everyone acts the same, nothing changes. I must be different so I can make a difference.



I can't understand how it could be this way

In these united states, the richest country in the world. How there's homeless people in every state and city. One statistic I've just learned, is the percentage of those just paychecks away from being homeless is 70%. This system is so messed up. When, there's setup that there must be a certain amount of homeless. There must be a certain amount incarcerated. There must be a certain amount of babies aborted. It's all about politics and economics. No regards to humanity, how sad. More concern about the animals and the environment than an unborn baby. Have we completely lost our minds? I believe we have. I also believe, the A.I.D.S epidemic has the percentage of that amount of babies we aborted. It's concurrent with those infected with this incure-able virus. Most of these people still don't even know they have this virus. I perceive this country as one filled with inconsistencies and hypocrites. Any can become rich, only if you meet certain requirements. Education alone is not enough. It still involves who you know. I love the first amendment. Because I hate injustice, prejudiceness, racism and money loving greedy attitudes in my fellowman. This is sin. My prosperity being based on your living in poverty is an apparent aberration. A government that believes they are above the law. A judicial system, set to violate certain citizens in their districts or cities or counties. Public defenders who are against those they are suppose to defend. Working, concurrently with the prosecution. How sad. I just wonder how things could possibly be this way.



Why don't people any longer fear God?

When I became a christian at age 14, I thought God was going to make me perfect. My thinking was; okay, now I won't sin any more. I was sadly disappointed. God saved my soul,so my fellow human beings could see God's image in my life. As in my beginnings, I became aware to the fact; I wasn't getting all the information I needed to survive, and enjoy my life as a christian. Sure God saved my soul. But that was only the beginning. He wanted to change my thinking and my speech and my walk. Most of the teaching I received was geared toward my preparation of going to heaven. This was fine. Only the reality was this; I'm still alive on planet earth. How am I suppose to live right now? So many questions I had. The major ones caused frustration in my mind. The one where the Bible say's give and it shall be given unto you. So many of us give to receive. We give only to get. How sad, we can't give because we love God and others. This is a law in the earth. There's nothing spiritual about giving and receiving. It's the sowing and reaping process. Churches are not teaching their members the whole message. I mean, about life right now. How to conduct one's self on the job. How to treat one another. So many times we have the knowledge, but we don't have the wisdom to apply it. God wants to be involved in every aspect of my life. I can't look to God as though He were Santa Claus. Or he's obligated to me for a particular reason. What it boils down to is our motivation. Why do we serve God? Why do we give? Why do we go to church? We can get tied up in so many knots. Legalism is one. Good works is one. Religion is one. Self righteousness is one. I've been there, where this church said; you can't drink, smoke or chew, neither can you run with those who do. Because people can't see God. This is why people no longer fear God.



These United States ought to be ashamed

Since the beginning of this country, there has been all these good words spoken in regards to the "founders" of this country. From it's earliest beginnings was founded on violence. We know the history of this country from one point of view. That's the incomplete version. Their version,"we left Europe to be able to worship God with freedom. This may have been their thoughts in their mind. But they still had in their souls and heart the treatment they received at the hands of their motherland.It bring to my mind the saying,"you can take the man out of the country, but it's nearly impossible to get the country out of the man.So,they became the perpetrators on these people in this new world. I don't want to go into to much details, as I don't want to repeat myself. Today, after all has been said and done. There is a people in this country, who contributed to it being the greatest country on planet earth. These people after nearly three hundred years, have been denied access into the political arena and have been denied access to the economics to survive. A people who were removed from their own motherland Africa, to help and build a country who has yet to compensate them for their hard work and their contributions. Instead, they offer only prison sentences and homelessness and a refusal of any funds necessary for their very survival. It's so amazing to me how such a country can go to other countries to help setup a democracies, while pointing out all the short comings of these countries. Seeking to help them remove the mote out of these countries eyes, while having a beam in our own eyes. "How hypocritical"! My ancestors were brought over here from where ever they came from. God's plan for my life is not based on any races perception of me. I will still do what God planned for me to accomplish. It's so disheartening to live in a country where the government knows all what's going on. And has even gone so far, to contribute to the deterioration of the inner cities. Why am I speaking this, you ask? Any inner city in these United States is prime property. Most of the inner cites are close to everything. All the desvastion, that takes place in these inner cites it not by accident. The drugs, the weapons, and any negative and destructive idea, has been planted there by the government of these United States. For the total annihilation of the African Americans in the inner cities. Why, does not this info get into the media? Because these United States don't want to air it's dirty laundry to the rest of the world. A problem they created in a period of over three hundred years. Basically no one wants to tackle a problem that's so far out of control. They, the government allowed it. How can, a country; the richest in the world allow it's citizens to live as though they were in a third world country? Let's keep it real people. This country is and was built on violence. Violence comes from the root word, to violate. So many people over a span of three hundred years have been violated. How would you react, if you were violated? African Americans are tired of our attempts and efforts and accomplishment being stolen and credit being given to someone with less of everything, than we have. We have to excel at a rate two times that of our Caucasion neighbors. God see's all and hears all. No one gets away with anything. Because we are all humans, and have a right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. This is not the case. These United States ought to be ashamed.



History is a funny thing

As I sit here at my computer, my thoughts focus on certain events which took place in history. One particular thought comes to mind. It's the history of how this inhabited land became the United States. The tragedy, the hardship, the rape and torture of the natives. The deception of these foreigners, who were some of the first immigrants to this new land. These people who ventured from Europe to various designations on planet earth, did so with a hidden agenda. To conquer and control wherever they went. To stir up disention. At the first impression, appearing to be friendly only to obtain the trust of their targeted victims. Once the trust is obtained, just like the devil, eventually showing their true motives and objectives. I find it amazing, that I can even type this on my website. Seeing so many people are afraid to truly express themselves. For fear of retaliation for speaking the truth. We live in a world where anyone could be bought out. Or silenced, with accusation of being insane or angry. Also targeted as the black panthers were in their day of trying to make the African Americans lives better. The government went everywhere, they were making efforts, to change this corrupt system; they had all the members in every state killed. In doing this, they would stop the improvements of the inner cities. It worked, the government accomplished their goal. They assassinate anyone, they feel are a threat to their corruption. Or they will do everything in their power to discredit any one who attempts to uncover their true wicked perverse face. They would discredit a person first, if that doesn't work; they make efforts and try to buy the person off. If this fails, they pay someone to assassinate you. This person becomes the governments fall guy. This has happened so many times, it's ridiculous. I'm not afraid though, even if they lie on me. I will not be quiet until I'm dead. Corruption is wrong, not only for the common folks. But more so, for those who create the laws. The Bible say's "be not deceived God is not mocked, whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap." As God continue to allow me breath, it will always be my thought; history is a funny thing.




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